She sat, in her favorite little black dress. Well, her only little dress, black or otherwise truth to tell... Regardless, there she sat, at the bar. She stared into the half melted ice, as if all her questions could be answered if it just melted fast enough... or slow enough... or whatever. What was the Big Deal, she wondered idly, why was everyone on her case these days? Sure, she could admit that most people waited until after work to pop into the bar for a drink... But she didn't do that every day. Hell, it was after work right now wasn't it? So really, she didn't see a problem there at all. Besides, she was always to work on time... ish. Reports, pie charts (freakin' pie charts...), layouts, outlines, they all got done on time, or at least before the final deadline. That counts technically as "on time". Hell, she even rode the bus like a good little "concerned citizen" so going home afterwards from the bar wasn't really a safety issue. Not really. Responsible Adult. That was her to a T. What right, what damn right did anyone, anyone have, telling her how to live HER life? None! No right at all. Nosy, self righteous Bastards. Incensed, she flagged the bartender down and ordered another drink. Straight liquor for her. None of that fruity froufrou shit her co-workers were all so gaga over. Flighty twits, all of them. Concerned with shoes and hair (removal, extension, color, straighten, curl-who gives a flying rats ass?) and of course Celebrities and those ridiculous little purse dogs. Seriously, why anyone would want dog shit deposited right on top of their car keys, was beyond her. Dumbasses. No worrying about daycare or mortgages or damned yard work. Another refill, please and thank you. How the hell had she ended up like this? Her whole life the world had been hers. Comfortable family life, no money problems, tons of friends, even High school had been a breeze. Dance classes, Straight A's guaranteed with minimal effort required (couldn't have the Team Captain with low marks now could they? she was looked up to... Ha!) Anyways, she blew through it. College was pretty much the same, with a bit more effort required. Tutors were expensive, especially when you paid them a little extra to "finish up" the assignment. Needless to say, she graduated with a Masters Degree in Business Administration. Good enough to get her into a corner office that was slightly smaller than her standard suburban issue SUV. Fortunately, she had a superb view, of the building next door and the fetid alley that slithered between the dingy "stucco" walls. Living the regular American dream, she was. All that and a storybook romance too. The story about the dead end marriage between the fairy princess and her college roommate’s older brother. Remember that one? Didn’t think so. What a mess that had been. Still was really. Oh and her children... her lovely spoiled rotten ungrateful children. She loved them almost as much as she resented them. 9 and 7 years old and already, the only time they wanted anything to do with her was when they wanted, something. Money, clothes, toys... Some thanks for that whole "gift of life" business. Sighing, she ordered another drink. Probably should get home soon. Someone had to make dinner; Lord knows her husband wasn't going to do it. The man could probably burn water. 11 years of marriage and she could count on one hand the number of times he had attempted to cook dinner. Those few and, thankfully, far between times had been mostly inedible. Housework was the same story, yard work as well. Christ the man was useless. He wasn't even good enough in the sack to make it worth her time. Where the Hell was the bartender? Ah...there...at the other end of the bar. Flirting for tips, figures. All she wanted was a damned refill. Another 5 minutes and she'd get out of there. A little time to unwind was all she needed, was that SO much to ask? A few minutes to herself each day to gather her thoughts so that she could face what passed for her home and family life without setting fire to something. Home. Ha-ha. Two and a half stories of gray brick piled up into a cookie cutter house that had a look alike every fourth house on every street in the neighborhood. Nothing, absolutely nothing distinguished it from any of those other houses. Even the fucking plants looked like they came from a mould. Another drink. How did they even do that? Get bushes and trees and flowers to grow like that? Well behaved. Polished. Perfect. Boring as hell. Story of her life. Giggling she looked down into an empty glass. Hmm, she frowned; bartender must be stiffing her on the liquor. Drinks were going down easier and faster. She toyed with the idea of going to another bar, (had to do that a couple of times before), then glanced down at her watch. The face came slowly into focus with the help of some very determined blinking. Damn. She'd stayed later than expected. No time to cook now. Have to pick something up on the way home from the park and ride. Only a 10 minute drive from there to her house. One of the rare beauties of Suburbia, there managed to be at least 8 fast food joints between the spot her car was parked and her driveway. She paid with cash, no sense paying with a card and causing questions to be raised. Now, where did she put her jacket? Did she bring a jacket? Oh well, she had more jackets. On the way to the bus stop she had to laugh. Probably 30 jackets hanging in her walk in closet, and she only had one dress. Just wear the dress or a skirt or slacks with a different jacket and blouse. Voila! Instant wardrobe! Dress was her favorite though. One of the only things she had that made her feel feminine and sexy. Wore it at least once a week. Settling into the bus seat, she considered going out and buying a new dress. Maybe some strappy little heels to go with it. Purse too, and some earrings. Hell! Why not make an event of it and get her hair and nails done also. Find herself a hard bodied, vacant minded younger man and have a steamy affair. Seemed to have been working out for her husband for the last 5 or 6 years. Funny she thought, as the bus reached her stop, she wasn't even mad about it anymore; just a sort of vague, detached amusement. He thought he hid it VERY well. Ha-ha! Still chuckling she spotted her car, one of the only ones still standing in the lot. Just as well, she'd never be able to find it otherwise. Damn thing looked just like about 30 some odd others that used the same lot. That horrid metallic tan. Champagne they called it. Looked nothing like champagne far as she could tell. Sure wouldn't drink any champagne THAT color she mused as she fumbled for her keys. More like stained, dirty sheets in some cheap ass motel room. She hated it. Laughing again as she carefully pulled into the street, she wondered, didn't she have anything she loved? Without resentment or strings or guilt? Pure, simple, love. Thinking about it she fiddled with her cell phone. Pizza sounded good. Better than stopping anywhere. She figured a straight shot home was the best bet. 6 different pizza joints were programmed in so she just punched the button in for the first one she came to. Looking down at the phone she wasn't paying attention to the road as she flew through not one but three red lights. She did not notice the stop signs in between either. Miraculously, she didn't hit anyone. In her inebriated state she never even noticed the squealing tires or the drawn out horn blasts of the other vehicles. By the time she remembered to look up at the road, it was too late to avoid the UPS truck stopped in front of her. Oh shit, she thought, or was it shouted? The last coherent thought she had was how funny it was that her jacket was sitting in the passenger seat. She hadn't lost it after all. In shock she watched as the hood of her SUV she so loathed crumpled as she yanked the wheel with all her weight to the left. The SUV flipped into oncoming traffic. Slowly, it seemed to her, the windshield spider webbed. It was a mercy that she couldn't see out. The windshield lit up, the shattered glass causing the light to refract and it glowed in a glorious nimbus. It was beautiful. She smiled as the light went out.
-Mali 2007
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